Mastery of detail

Every time I wait till the last minute, I swear to myself that I won’t do it again. Yeah, right. Every 14th of the month, I end up scrounging and panicking and putting together my writing column for Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers. Today was no exception.

I’ve been writing this same column - Screenwriting Tips for Novelists - for over a year. This year, I’m concentrating on writing scenes. So this particular column was on the use of significant detail - particularly visual detail. It is, after all, coming from a movie perspective.

I have a ton of screenwriting books. I think I get the most from Paul Lucey’s Story Sense. It’s a great book. One of the movies he uses for examples is Witness. That’s one of my favorite movies. In the chapter I was focusing on for this column, he talks (starting on page 260) about writing stage directions and choreographing your scene. Then he uses this example from Witness. As I read this, I can just see this scene. It was fabulous (though not quite as fabulous as the dancing in the barn scene - but that’s the romance writer in me). Here you go:

INT. DETECTIVES ROOM, NARCOTICS DIVISION - DAY

Through glass partitions we can see Book on the telephone in a cubicle of an office.

Samuel has drifted out of the office and is idling amid the bustle of the squad room. He crosses to a glass case which holds a collection of plaques and framed newspaper accounts which denote instances of outstanding duty and achievement.

ANGLE THROUGH GLASS CASE

As Samuel moves alon, only half interested in what his eyes are taking in, not really old enough to comprehend anyway. Until suddenly he freezes.

SAMUEL’S POV - NEWSPAPER ACCOUNT

Enlarged, prominently displayed. The headline reads: Division Chief McFee Honored For Youth Project. Accompanying the item is a mug-shot of McFee, clearly the black man who murdered the young cop in the train station men’s room.

BACK TO SAMUEL

He stares transfixed.
A long beat, then Book, lowering himself to one knee next to Samuel, ENTERS THE FRAME.

He’s watching Samuel, knowing from the boy’s expression that they’ve found their man. Samuel slowly raises his hand to point at the photograph. Book gently takes the boy’s small hand in his, concealing the accusation from watchful eyes. He smiles gently at the boy.
Witness, written by William Kelley and Pamela and Earl W. Wallace, 1984

That’s great writing.

jax